How to Calm a Crying Baby

This post is part update, part solicitation for advice.  In all, Kohl is an extremely well-behaved little guy.  Like many infants, however, he sometimes slips into brief bouts of unexplained fussiness.  We have employed a number of techniques that work occasionally, some better than others.  Below is a list of the calming methods we have used:

  • THE FIVE S’s: This technique comes from a book called The Happiest Baby on the Block, a classic that is particularly popular with hippies and those that favor natural child birth and shopping at Whole Foods.  The premise of the book is that the first three months of a child’s life is akin to a “fourth trimester” and the best way to calm a crying baby is to recreate the “womb-like” atmosphere. (The book even uses creative chapter headings, such as “A Womb with a View”). The “Five S’s” –  swaddling, side/stomach position, shushing, swinging and sucking – help to create that atmosphere.   This is a good one, but sometimes ineffective.

 

  • Bob Marley: Kohl’s dad recently read Be Prepared: A Handbook for New Dads which also had some valuable information.  Of note was the fact that babies like to be rocked to a certain rhythm and that rhythm is approximately 60 “rocks” per minute.  This happens to dovetail perfectly with reggae music, and particularly Bob Marley’s “Buffalo Soldier.”  This has only worked about 25% of the time, but it gives Kohl’s dad an excuse to play Bob Marley ad nauseam and sway in front of the main window in the hopes that all the neighbors will be able to see.  Dad’s desired outcome in employing this technique is two-fold: (1) get Kohl to sleep and (2) embarrass Mom
  • The Deep Knee Bend: This technique comes courtesy of our friend who has two twin girls of his own.  The technique is simply performing air squats while holding your child.  If you’re not in very good shape like our friend who suggested this technique, this can also double as a workout.  But when you’re in ridiculously good shape like Kohl’s dad, the workout value is minimal.  While this technique has about a 99.9% success rate, it also increases the chances of spit-up by 197%.
  • Modified Heisman pose: The Heisman pose is self explanatory (see http://kohlerspage.blogspot.com/2012/01/black-and-gold-prayers-and-ruined.html).  But in the modified Heisman, the McNugget goes on his stomach so that he rests on your forearm which supposedly settles it.  This technique has met with moderate success, but doing it is fun and allows dad to display his low maturity level and, once again, embarrass Mom.

Any other techniques?  Please feel free to comment to this post or send us an email – achrestman@gmail.com

The goal?  We’d like this fussy little fellow …

 

To sleep as soundly as this elderly fellow …

 



Posted in Musings | Leave a comment

A Burgeoning Model

Kohl’s dad likes to brag about his vast modeling portfolio which consists of one ad in an Oshkosh B’Gosh magazine circa 1981-1982.  But with Kohl’s good looks and the photographic expertise of our friend Emily, it is only a matter of time before Kohl’s modeling career leaves his dad’s one-magazine-stint in the dust.

Emily is very talented, and she took the time out of her day to take these pictures over a 48-hour period.  These are better than a lot of professional photos that come at a premium.  One person that saw some of these has already inquired about hiring Emily.  I think we will do the same.

 



Posted in Musings | Leave a comment

The Binky Dance

Today, the little McNugget is two-months old.  And what better way to celebrate than to show a quick video clip of what Kohl’s mom has named “The Binky Dance,” which is what he has spent the majority of his first two months on Earth doing.  This is an extremely watered down version of the dance as Binky is only dislodged from his tiny mouth for a brief period of time.  A more prolonged absence of Binky causes much more vigorous outbursts, particularly at 3:32 am.

You get the idea.



Posted in Musings | Leave a comment