Kohl and the Gang

Well, well, well.  It looks like it has been quite some time, friends.  It has been approximately six months since Kohl and the Gang has seen fit to make a blog post.  It is not because we have nothing to say.  On the contrary, we have been rather busy over this gap of time in which the Earth has rotated on its axis about 180 times.

We never have claimed to be professional bloggers, so please excuse the gap in time between posts.  Rather than bore you with all the minutiae of our lives, here are some highlights:

• Kohl had yet another surgery in May.  This makes a total of four surgeries that this tough little fucker has had in his two years on this Earth.  With that many surgeries in such a short period of time, it does get tiresome explaining what the surgery du jour is to everyday folks, which is why the standard response Kohl’s dad gives any time he is queried about the latest surgery is that it is a “penile reduction.”  This is funny for Kohl’s dad and Kohl’s dad alone. But alas, the latest surgery was not a penile reduction, it was a pyloroplasty, which loosened his pyloric sphincter at the bottom of his stomach so that it would empty easier.  I know what you’re thinking.  And the answer is yes, Kohl’s dad did giggle any time the word “sphincter” was used in connection with the surgery.  Our main goals with this surgery were to eliminate the gagging and retching Kohl experiences on a daily basis and to reduce the discomfort he was experiencing during feeds.  While he is much more comfortable during feeds, the gagging continues unabated.  While this might be due to Kohl’s utter disgust at his mother’s routine foul language inside the home or his dad’s feeble attempts to play the piano, or “tickle the ivories,” as he likes to say.  Either way, the gagging and retching continues to be an issue for the little guy, and we will continue to struggle to find a solution.

• He got to take a road trip to Houston with his dad and his Pop to see a GI specialist at Texas Childrens.  It was a productive visit highlighted by Pop calling Kohl’s dad a “stupid, imbecilic f&ck head” for accidentally tearing up the directions to the hotel he printed out days before.  (Note: Pop has a penchant for making the simplest things complicated, so the logistics of getting from New Orleans to Houston were, for him, akin to the Normandy invasion). Despite Pop’s curmudgeonly outburst, the team did make it to Houston with no issues and had a productive visit.

• Last but certainly not least, we welcomed a new member of the gang.  Amelia Ann Chrestman landed on Planet Erf at 7:10 am on August 19, 2014.  Plenty more to follow on Amelia, but in the meantime, here are some pictures of this screaming, banshee-like bundle of joy as she gets snapped in at Chateau du Chrestman

Why would you throw into triple coverage deep in your own territory, Drew?  Quit thinking with that birthmark on your face and start using your head.  That’s that lump three feet above your ass!

“Yes, yes, Amelia, I know they are both annoying.  But if we take turns screaming, it’s fun to see how flustered they get.”

Amelia staring at daddy

Amelia staring at daddy immediately after daddy farted.

Let the adventures continue.

Kohl is the focal point of this blog, but we would be remiss if we did not give “the gang” its due every once in a while.  Kohl’s gang, of course, includes family members, doctors, therapists and friends.  A fondness for Kohl is really the only admission requirement to get into the gang. The reverse is also true and those whom Kohl is most fond of are also members of the gang.  These days, Kohl reserves his deepest affections for the medley of singing animals that have taken  residence at Chateau du Chrestman. They regale us with their one-hit wonders almost as frequently as oxygen is consumed.  Their hits stay in our heads through an embarrassing part of the work day.  Here are some of his favorites: