This gang started on January 12, 2012 when Team Chrestman procreated for the first time and Kohler Henson Chrestman (“Kohl”) touched down on planet Earth. During labor and delivery, Kohl suffered a brain injury called “hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy” or “HIE” for short. During his one-month stay at the luxurious neonatal intensive care unit immediately following his birth, this blog was born as a means to provide medical updates on Kohl to many caring friends and family. Since then, however, it has turned into a medium through which the Chrestman family makes a fool of itself on the internet.
We here at Kohl and the Gang like to find and highlight the light-hearted side of life despite having been dealt some darkness.
If you haven’t already left this page to watch videos of talking animals, stick around and meet Team Chrestman’s cast of characters:
Andy Chrestman (World’s Okayest Dad) Always striving for the utmost in mediocrity in everything he does, the patriarch of Kohl and the Gang oftentimes is the only one in the room who thinks what just came out of his mouth is funny. He loves being a father and thrives at being okay at it.
Sarah Chrestman (Mom, Tolerator of Dad, Very sweet 75% of the time) Mrs. Sarah Chrestman spends significant time crushing dad’s fun and preventing him from making an even bigger ass of himself than he is actually capable of. When not supervising, she can be found showing genuine empathy for mankind, speaking at an unreasonably high volume when excited, telling a story full of superfluous detail or raising her kids – a role she was born for.
Kohl Chrestman (Son, Lover of 90s alternative rock, Bringer of Amazement) Kohl has been amazing friends and family since his debut in January 2012. He has an excellent taste in music, having immersed himself in the works of Pearl Jam, Nirvana and other 90s alternative rock. The song “Inside Out” by Spoon is his favorite and can be heard within the confines of Chateau du Chrestman approximately 7,489 times per day. His mom’s maiden name is Kohler and that is his namesake. Not the toilet.
Amelia Chrestman (Baby Sister, Tiny Godzilla, Bringer of Pure Joy) After a brutal, nine-month initiation process, Amelia was finally permitted to join the gang in August of 2014. Since then, she has been dazzling audiences with her eyebrow trick, walking like a crab and demonstrating the ability to spell her name all while shitting in her pants. Despite three consecutive resting bitch faces for her school photos, she is a sweet, little nugget. Her fighting weight is approximately 25 pounds of intellect, personality and pure joy.
With special guest appearances by:
Reuben (Pop, The Reubenator, Kanga-Reuben) As paternal grandfather to Kohl and Amelia, Pop is not technically a member of the nucleus of the gang. But due to demand and his puzzling internet popularity, Reuben will make regular appearances. It appears that many find his antisocial behavior, memorable quotes and overall curmudgeonly disposition to be endearing.
